i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
