Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
