I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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