why didn't you poke me back
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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