I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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