MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
