Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
