I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
