just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
