I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
