You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
