she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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