I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
