how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize