Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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