half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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