rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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