what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Couch. On fire.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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