I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
