Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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