that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
