You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
