Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
