these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
