I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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