If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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