Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
