my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize