If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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