He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
