just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
