Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
