so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
