he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
