His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
