My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
