I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
