Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
