I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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