If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
