What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And then he peed in my hair
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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