hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
