I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize