Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
