Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
