Betty ford says i'm here all night
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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