i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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