It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
