Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
