You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
