I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
