ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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