It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
