Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize