Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
