Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
