Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
