I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
