My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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